Love Like Winter

At this present

2008-11-22T00:10:00.003-04:00

moment, I am on the phone with the spectacular and completly unobtainable Orlando. As he likes to be called. I have been so busy lately but I figured I'd better slow down and write a little bit. If you have been wondering why I don't write on here anymore, it's because often when I write I use the blog Shay and I share. But it is important to keep track of this know, I rarely even write in my diary any longer. I just don't have any free time. Sad.

Anyway I was reading past blogs and I had to laugh at my self a little. JUST a little... how can one girl go thru almost 6 guys in one year. If you notice I have a picture of every cute boy I dated last year on this blog. Isn't that ridiculous? I was so obsessed with being popular, no I was popular and I was obsessed with being liked by someone. Anyone. && I paid the price. I had a lot of friends but few boys I could really count on there. I am only friend with one of them now, and that was Nick Llobet. The rock star. The one who saved me from Mickey, well actually no one could save me from that. I couldn't and still cant even stop my self from. I just ignore him now. I don't even look at his pictures when I can help it.

But on happier and much lighter news, I have applied to 3 colleges already, and Boston College will be my last.. Except if I apply to Furman. Which I might. I am taking the ACT on Dec 13, and I have already taken my SAT and it wasn't as bad as I had always imagined. I am so sick of doing SAT prep shit in school. I am sick of school. I am ready to be out of Highschool. BUT the thought of my graduation day is haunting to say that least. The last time I will be considered an young teenager. I also cannot envision my family in it's entirety there. My dad, Richard, my mother, the baby, Les and Brig, Grams, Gpa, and hopefully Grenna and Poppy. That would be awesome.

I am excited to meet my little brother Anthony. He is almost 5 months old, and he is the fattest baby I have ever seen. Almost as cute as Orlando but not quite.

Marco and I have been together for almost 3 month now. && he is my life. I don't do much of anything but see him, work, and school. I have been auditioning for a Part in LI'L ABNER. I am so exicted. I got a call back and I believe I will have a leading role. But I dont want to jump the gun and make assumptions. Anyhow I will stop boring US all with my irrelevance and continue my path to my bed. Goodnight all.

& Ever & Ever & Ever Amen.

2008-11-10T22:00:00.005-04:00

New Boyfriend.

New Unit.

New hair.

I have to say its been fun so far. :]

Go Grease!

2008-04-24T23:11:00.013-04:00

Grease has got me so frazzled that I just tried to drink the Queso dip I was eating haha :}

My Baby and I just celebrated out one month yesterday :}

B what do you think of the Stage name.

Makenzie Summers ?!

Shuger and I (background Trent, aka Danny Zuko)
Not a Real kiss.

Lol. :}

My love shes amazing :}

We get real bored backstage.

REALLLY BORED.

Mickey and Justin (Kinickie and Roger on ther off night)

Gogurt Incident. I got gurted on :{

Apperently you shouldnt squeeze them to hard,

Justin looking really good :]

Nervous. haha In my grease outfit :] yay

OKay idk what else to sayILY!

sooo

2008-03-31T17:22:00.004-04:00

I have all a's and b+ which i am mad abouttt.. but w.e

I have had an amazing spring break so far and its not even ovrrr :}

pics.

My boyfriend and I

THE BEACH

Happy

2008-03-22T00:19:00.000-04:00

Mathias.

is funny, and sweet...

and enjoyable.

LMAO! yea

This chick is No longer

2008-03-08T23:56:00.001-04:00

In a recession.

A boy.

Named

Mathias.

:] hes soo cute, and nice and i just am heheheh'd

But we will c IM not holding my breath but...

I'm gonna dive in!

:] hehehehehehehehhehhehe
Happy days!

I think

2008-03-04T17:40:00.001-04:00

my love life is in a recession! :{

Wtf.
Its really gay and getting old fast d hgdth

:{

2008-01-22T14:16:00.001-04:00

i dnt feel very good.

Taken

2007-11-27T11:28:00.000-04:00

I am offically a "nightride" girlfriend.

He "asked" me out.

or more like told me.. lmao

Thanksgiving!

2007-11-22T12:26:00.001-04:00

Yay foood food foood!

Man my eye is twitching and I really hate it!!!

Listening to November Rain.

amazing

and this is too

Im

2007-11-18T15:03:00.001-04:00

so happpyyy! :}

The variety show turned out amazing, and I met sum1 equally amazing;.

and mommy even knows haha :}

work now and then sum hw! :}?

coincidence

2007-10-11T19:31:00.000-04:00

Typical.

Single.
Grounded.
AND FUCKED.

w.e mad depressed. mad sad. mad alone.

ONLY HAPPINESS is that i saw MY SAMMI finally today andddd the weather.

Plus I finally talked to this kid that I c everywhere.. In school in random places, auditorium office and my classroom when he has a different class. and at publix and starbucks haha
and hes always n a stripped shirt of a different color. ? odd.
yeah so we talked. hes cool

in a friend only way.

Well Hell

2007-10-01T22:18:00.000-04:00

Okay. I think something is wrong with me.

That pretty much sums it up.
I am a freak.
I get so afraid of being okay and just letting things be normal.
I'm so afraid of being hurt I can't let my self be fine.
I always needneedneed.
I'm clingy (in my mind anyway)
But on the outside, I'm like w.e

Its like outside I'm fine, Inside I'm screaming.

FREAK!
ah.
I HATE IT.
I had a horrible dream too (I'm sick and it was due to high fever and benadryl)
I had a dream we moved back to Colorado.
Its like I woke up and we were there No goodbyes No anything.
Just all of our stuff was in our old house in Parker.
And Some of my friends moved there too but Like not anyone I really wanted.
And then I had to call my bf and tell him.
And I kept saying I'm moving back I just wanna graduate with My friends :{
When I woke up. Ive never been so RELIEVED. EVER.

:? WHATS WRONG WITH ME!
I'm like a MARTYR

Isn't this cute?

2007-09-25T22:23:00.000-04:00

I am so happy these days.

Been the best.

Almost.

17!

My GreenBean and I

2007-09-22T22:18:00.000-04:00

And to me this make me like him even more, then ever.

"You eva heard da sayin, You don't know wat you had til you lost it?"

"I don't wanna lose you"

I was like um. yayayayayay

*09-21-07*

um.

2007-09-21T23:32:00.001-04:00

Ignore that.

ALL that.

um.

i.
have to finish this story later.

Carmen's house is waiting.

im like um! yay

Don't pretend you ever forgot about me.

2007-09-21T17:24:00.000-04:00

Ah. Man there's a lot to say in such a short time you know? AH.

So yes. I cried all day yesterday. Well Majority.. like 4:30 to 10?

I was so cried out I didn't have ANY Makeup left on my poor face.

And the Maker of my cryage, saw me in my misery.

After my friend came over to break the news that I again,

had found another "i dnt want a gf".

After I went to publix in a sweater, and sunglasses and a Rudolf nose.

After I got in a huge fight with A (the kid i like)

And basically told him to F himself bc nothing he could say was going

to change the fact he lead me on, and dropped me like a bad habit.

After Carmen rides her bike to my house to surprise me :}

He calls. can you come down.

And to my face says. I am so sorry,

it almost broke my heart to tell you bc i do like you

but i just dnt want a gf.

I was. shocked. should I be. NO.

Hurt.

And then he questions my shadiness? um. I'm hurt kid. what r u playing at

This is how I looked today (with Myles)

Hopefully I looked happier then I felt.

Along with all that. I am so tired all the time, and sad. Its like more then PMS. I feel like I just wanna sleep for hours and hours, and when I do I wake up even sadder than before. I'm going to be 17 in a week but I'm not even really happy. Just sad, that nothing good happens.

"It boils down to its not really you.

I'm mad at the fact,

I keep trying to play the game

and I always get screwed."

So much

2007-09-04T20:41:00.000-04:00

For a GOD. He's reasonable. but shy. and I want a fly guy some1 who makes me laugh and can speak to me... preferably even ask for my number.

So short lived were my affections for him.. because I happened upon the one who made this...

Keep in mind that this is not the original and even though its a crude job it still made me laugh when I saw it. Turns out he makes me laugh alot. HA so we shall see where this ends up my fellow dwellers.

On other news. I have been making quiet reasonable grades in my AP class and I believe that I am going to try to get an application for Boston u and Clemson as soon as i have a chance.

Ive given up on school lunch so imma start packing mine. Raw red peppers emm.. and green beans

UMM.

DELICIOUS MUCH.

I have seen a GOD.

2007-08-24T15:57:00.000-04:00

I swear on my life.

I have met, Spoken too, kissed on the cheek, knee bumped and had my hair pulled by a god.

HES GORGEOUS.

how his personality is has yet to be seen...

plus im not just hooking up w him

so

AGAIN we shall c

but yeah i love my classes! rngker cnt talk much now. HAVEto CLEAN. peace

As you can see,

2007-08-13T04:00:00.000-04:00

I am awake.
very very awake.
NOT on purpose.

Ohkay so I wanted to chat online and then the next thing u know its...
3:00 am.

3 FUCKING AM!

And I have to BE at cypress bay by oh.
FIVEFOURTYFIVE! SO.

I say.
"SELF GO GET A MONSTER CATO LEFT HERE!"
So I did

and it took me 30 mins to drink it because....
it takes like sweet/salty sprite with a FRUITY gum flavor.

Kinda grossed me out
but I can deal.

So i drink that
and now its 4:00 am

so another hour and a half of sitting here with my knee vibrating like crazy

because I'm caffeine driven.

So.
that's all.
i have to say.
for now.

My

2007-08-03T17:02:00.000-04:00

Head hurts.

I have to say that the past two weeks have been over all amazing.
C has been over every night or I've been at his house.
Mom loves him.
He bought her wine last night. hehehe
He's so sweet and such a cutie pie.
I love his tattoo... its beautiful.
and I'm just happy as a lark at the moment.
:]
Will it last?
School Starts in Dos weeks.
NEED SUPPLIES!
hjdjhg t

HM

2007-07-28T15:13:00.001-04:00

I am so HAPPY! :] Pics from last night YEAAHZZAA

whootwhoot

and auntie B i know my roots. :/ im a carolina gal. Damn it. hahah

IM PROUD TO BE SOUTHERN!

My self and I have some Straightening out to do...

2007-07-24T22:00:00.000-04:00

Well because I haven't written in a while, prepare for a long post :].

I have some things to say and I'm not leaving until i get them all out.

I found something funny I wrote in my diary,

"06.21.07 Thursday.

I hate Bob the builder. I don't hate Bob, but I hate this one Rolly thing that works for Bob. The song goes, "Bob the builder can we fix it! YES WE CAN!!" & then the fucking Rolly goes, "UH I think so." What The Fuck, you negative thing. Of course you can do it. You work for Bob."

I know that was a little cursey but It was funny the way I wrote it. And I underlined Bob.

Well letsss... think.

Its a lot easier to get rid of someone if you really truly mean it and want it. Like I thought I wasn't going to be able to let go of a certain someone just because he told me he didn't accept that we wernt going to be friends. The truth is all I needed to do is take action... deleting him from my myspace, not giving him my new number, not answering his ims and just plain staying away from him. It just hurts cause I remember sometimes how amazing the good days were and how much fun he could be. But then I look at pictures of him and I just feel so sick to my belly. He's nothing compared to other people I've met though so I guess it's not a big deal. But it still hurts a little.

The sad part is the last time I talked to him he said everything I'd been waiting for the whole time we were together/wanting to be together. This is in a nutshell what he said.

Everything I've done, telling people things to hurt them, all of it was for you. To show you everything we have and had means more to me. Meant the most to me. I can't say I love you because how can you know what that is to me. I know that I care about you enough that you could get someone to come beat my ass and I'd still care and want to be with you. I want to be with you but now is not the time I guess. I just want you in my life. If it wasn't important to me why would I push so hard to just get you to talk to me. It means so much.

And before I hung up, and started hysterically crying I said that I didn't care and that it wasn't worth it to me.

I think that was the worst thing I've ever said to anyone. I felt so bad after I said it I had to hang up and I just layed there and Balled. I don't know. I haven't really thought about that since that night.

UPDATE

on more recent events and people.
Everything with J is done and I'm glad. I laughed last night cause he imed me like heyyy and I was like wow I'm so over you. I'm not gonna be some losery bitch who sits here and hopes he calls. Ha I bet one day when I look Macked out He'll be like damnn. Im a dumbyyy

Ive moved on to BIGGER AND BETTER things.

But I'll tell you about that some other time B.

I can't wait until school starts again!! :]

the next few weeks are going to fly by! And then I can get focused again.

Ok well i kinda have ran out of things to say. whoot whoot

Annoyed By.

2007-07-09T20:29:00.000-04:00

Lack of Phone.
Boys.
Boredom.
And on..
and on..
I really hate boys ehdvh gjbhgsjget

I just want to go back to like 3 days ago... :/

Lets Pray for A Better Day.

2007-07-08T11:36:00.000-04:00

Yesterday sucked rather badly. A bunch of people came in that I didn't want to see and then 1 came in that I did want to see... I started my day fabulously.. I was in a great mood... Giddy and then come 6:30 every negative person in the world came to see me, telling me bad things about

Mr. Man and that he's a dick and says bad things about me. But w.e. I don't care, At this point... I am on my own. My friends like I'm just trying to save you some heart ache.. better to feel alittle now then alot later. But.. uhh. I'm a big girl and its not like I haven't dealt with hurt and mean guys before you know?

AND on top of that whole mess../

I must have said 6 or 7 times..

I dont want to hear anything you have to say

Please shut up

I dont care what you think about him

Stop trying to bring me down.

Gay. Then I see O and my friend comes back to see if I'm still mad.

duh.

I cried..

It sucks liking someone.. when no1 else can say anything good about him.

and most of its untrue.

Magority

Soooo

2007-07-07T12:44:00.000-04:00

I rolled on home at about 1:15 in a white Impala. Can you believe it B! Mom let me out until 1:15 but Granted we DID bring her a cheeseburger from McyD's. We hung out with a bunch of people who work and we went there after it was closed and got all the left over food. It was soo awesome. The kid brought us Ice cream drinks, nuggets all kinds of awesomely fattening food.

J (I have to call him something different, J doesn't have alot good memories except Juli.. :] Mommy. )... Well anyway, yeah I had alot of fun with him last night. HAHAHA. He has to dress up as the purple nugget at McyD's today and I would love to see that.

Well Yesterday was a busy day, I went to sleep about 6:20ish and then woke up at 11 left Coco's house at 3:30 and then went to work til 7 and then he called and we left at 9:40ish. :]

On Thursday we went to Carolina Ale house {OK they are only in the Carolinas and then one in Weston, Fl isn't that random!} and it was pretty good as normal.

Coco likes two boys {well she says she doesn't like Mr. DEE or Doorbell but she just doesn't want them with other ppl lol idk?!} but they're like best friends but she liked on for like 2 years and then the other one came in and now he loves her. It crazy... But the best line the whole night, was as I am sitting across from Mr. DEE, he saw a girl that's his friend and she goes,

"Oh what are you doing?"

and he replies

"I'm with my family"

I wanted to cry.

It was just really sweet but yeah we put salt in there drink when all the boys went to the bathroom together {nohomo}

Cam (Thumper's Bf) and Mr. DEE

Doorbell, Coco, Me, Mr. DEE, 95, and MelMel

Cam and Thumper (Coco's Older Sister) MelMel Coco Doorbell ME Mr. Dee and 95 :]

Need what Exactly?

2007-07-05T11:18:00.000-04:00

Ok R is A WERIDOOO, I love him and he's my Padre but... Have you ever asked someone something kinda blandly, like

"Hey Dad do you think you can loan me some money for a new phone.

Ive saved up like 300$ on my own."

and they reply

"Uh how much exactly".

"from you ohhh... 150.

because I really need a new phone".

"need what exactly"

"a sidekick."

"oh well... blahahblhaa."

I love him but hes aggravating.

Btw being force to go to the Bad Won't for 7 hours was well, WELL worth it. :]

Because I ended up having a FABULOUS night :] emmmm. *he's not bassy AT ALL" reference to older post. hahah. Well I have to go get coffee for M. :/ My Belly is full.

Something I drew.

2007-06-18T20:17:00.000-04:00

Pretty cute right

Vwa LA!

2007-06-18T20:01:00.000-04:00

And so it has begun! I am, "offically", looking for places to go to college. For those of you unware of my intentions, they are as follows.

I want to be a zoologist, and or ethologist. [An animal behaviorist for all you wise owls out there]
I reallllyy reallly realllly DO NOT want to got to college in Florida. Ask me why but I really have no clue, I just don't want to.
I have a huge hard on :} for Boston University.

Do you see why!??!?!? My god, I mean it's not Harvard. But come on it's breathtaking!! I went on the website to see if they had a program for zoology and they don't, HOWEVER. They do have one for Ethology, which really intrigues me. I want to see how their performing arts classes are because I would like to take some of those classes. I also looked up UCSB (University of California of Santa Barbara) and Instate is 5,639 and OOS is a whooping 19,850. Boston is the same In or Out. I just want to stay up in the northeast part of the country. New York, RI, Penn, maybe. I really want to live in Boston, though I don't know why. Clemson is also a definite choice. I would just love to visit and see. When I get back in to school, I am going to start applying to some different places!

I love you cause

2007-06-13T21:04:00.000-04:00

I have to.

Very good song. By "Dogs Die In Hot Cars"

I have been going very hard to day. I woke up at 10ish and then Shan Dropped D off. He screamed for like 45 mins. Just screaming at the top of his lungs and he got so mad he threw-up. He wouldn't let me pick him up and he hit me when i tried to hold him, so I just let him cry by the door. Finally, I read him too stories and pretended to fall asleep during bob the f'n builder. I hate that scarecrow thing, it reminds me of someone I work with. Anyway when D woke up he was very happy and he took a bath and colored and watched Tarzan, Which is BTW one of my most favorite Disney movies ever...

Did I ever tell you that my One week X is a freak. A Freak. This one kid I have a crush on Corey, he's really cool and stuff and he smiles at me and makes me smile and blushy, so i see him as he leaves and he smiles and i return it. I contiune my work and see my OWX. He makes this dumb deer in the headlights look. And thats normal folks. He just an oddball, in a immature, annoying way. Gross. Kissing him was like a bass attempting to tounge you. EW.

OK dinners ready.. that's all I have to say for now. Toots

Happpyyy

2007-06-12T13:54:00.001-04:00

Birthday Auntie LOO LOO! :]

Welcome All.

2007-06-11T14:19:00.001-04:00

I had to start a new blog because I couldn't sign in to my old one. I have nothing really good to say right now though. Donovan is sleeping and I am listening to a really cool song. "If I was your man" By Joe. I like it alot! :] UM. The rabbit is gone!! :] YAY.

Nothing really that cool has been happening.

Ok for those of you who don't know me. Let's have a little Pow-wow, and introduce me into your life! :]

That's Coco. My bestfriend, at her sweet sixteen party.

This is my soon-to-be boyfriend. I believe/Hope. Tony.

This is Rubi. She is the shit. :}

This is My beautiful Auntie! ;]

Tukki, Steinburg and I in Habibi's Car. :]

My Hero/Mommy